Moehringer’s memories of his adolescence revisit themes of identity and masculinity. According to his cousin Sheryl, manhood wasn’t an experience so much as a cultivated set of behaviors. By explaining how he came to depend on Sheryl’s advice on creating a manly identity, the author shows how much he wanted for the world to perceive him as a man. While her pointers only covered superficial matters—the newspaper he read, the alcohol he drank, and the clothes he wore—he eagerly accepted her advice, since he felt she was more worldly than he was. Moehringer reminisces that he felt like a man already, and he didn’t understand why the “externals determined a person’s inner self” (129).

Moehringer includes other hints and details in the text to impress upon the reader how much his identity was formed through his imitation of others. When chatting up a girl at the bar, he follows Sheryl’s advice of peppering her with questions, using his best impression of his uncle to be gregarious and ask her about herself.

When Moehringer recounts his mother’s severe car accident, he remembers realizing her injuries’ potential impact on his sense of self and personal development. His mother had lost some of her memory, and Moehringer dreaded what might happen if she did not regain it. He recalls, “I asked Uncle Charlie what would happen if my mother didn’t remember me [...] I think I was asking him who I would be if my mother didn’t know me” (136).

He also demonstrates that in adolescence his masculinity and identity (or lack thereof) continued to be greatly influenced by his father’s abandonment. Despite having had no contact with his father for many years, he continued to think about him and yearn for some kind of paternal connection. Moehringer links his father’s absence with his struggles to define himself; he felt as though he could not pursue his own identity before having his father as a reference point.