The Afterlife

In The Afterlife: A Memoir (2007), American writer Donald Antrim chronicles his relationship with his manipulative and mentally ill alcoholic mother. Receiving overwhelmingly positive reviews following its publication, the book won the 2007 Ambassador Book Award for Biography. It was also a New York Times Book Review Editors’ Choice. Antrim is a bestselling and critically acclaimed writer. The New Yorker named him among the best writers under forty in 1999. He taught prose fiction at New York University and the MFA program at Columbia University. He is best known for exploring anxiety and troubling themes in his work.

Antrim wrote The Afterlife in 2000, shortly after the death of his mother, Louanne Self. Before she died, outsiders knew Louanne as a talented artist and popular teacher. Her family knew her as an aggressive and manipulative alcoholic who controlled the family’s dynamic for decades. Once she dies, Antrim feels it is safe to explore what it was like growing up in a miserable home and his feelings toward her.

Although the subject matter is serious, Antrim tackles it in a blackly comic way. Readers should know that the book explores troubling issues such as alcoholism, abuse, and neglect. The descriptions are explicit and candid. Aside from these themes, The Afterlife is also an exploration of dysfunctional family life, and the story of a man finding his identity.



Antrim begins by talking about Louanne’s death. She died in August 2000, on a beautiful Saturday morning in Black Mountain, North Carolina. Louanne had moved the family to Black Mountain after her own father died in 1995. Antrim’s grandfather had supported Louanne financially. Once he passed away, the money dried up because Louanne’s mother, Roxanne, didn’t believe in supporting adult children financially.

Louanne sobered up before both parents died. She was sixty-five when she died. Although she is dead, Antrim can’t forget her, because his story is naturally bound to hers. He spent his entire life until this point nursing Louanne and praying she would get better. All he had wanted was a stable home; it’s the one thing he couldn’t have.

After Louanne’s death, the first thing Antrim does is search for a new mattress. Antrim explains that the mattress symbolized a sanctuary where he could stop thinking about his mother. He spends months testing out different mattresses. He learns everything there is to know about firmness, mattress materials, pillows, duvets, and sheets. This isn’t just a search for the perfect bed—it’s a quest for a safe space that Louanne can’t touch.



Although he is not responsible for Louanne’s death, Antrim feels guilty. He feels that it was his duty, as her son, to help her sober up earlier to avoid long-term health problems. The Afterlife is Antrim’s attempt to reconcile his conflicting feelings and heal his lingering guilt.

Antrim’s own mental health problems stem from the mother-son relationship. For example, he never experiences healthy romantic relationships, always choosing toxic women that treat him badly. He is fragile, insecure, and reserved. He suffers from chronic anxiety and depression. Only after Louanne dies does he understand how she is to blame for his issues.

When he was younger, Antrim couldn’t ask other family members for help. They had their own problems and did not want to hear about his neglect. For example, Antrim’s uncle, Sam, carried stereotypically masculine ornaments with him everywhere he went, symbolizing his struggle to feel strong in a family where women were violent and manipulative.



Roxanne wasn’t a nice woman. She psychologically abused Antrim’s grandfather, a gentle and submissive man. He was the only positive influence on Antrim, though Antrim also picked up his conciliatory and nonconfrontational attitudes from him. He lets women walk all over him, just like his grandfather did.

Although Antrim doesn’t know where Louanne’s problems stemmed from, he knows that she didn’t have a good relationship with Roxanne. Roxanne enjoyed playing the victim. She suffered from Munchausen Syndrome. She constantly pretended that Louanne was sick so they could get attention. Louanne grew up craving attention and manipulating everyone.

Just like Antrim, Louanne didn’t have healthy romantic relationships. She deliberately destroyed every relationship, including those with friends and family. Antrim learned to never get close to Louanne’s new boyfriends because they didn’t stick around long. Louanne taught him that relationships didn’t matter unless he could get something advantageous out of them.



The Afterlife: A Memoir is Antrim’s attempt to control Louanne. Through the words on the page, he decides the terms of her afterlife or her immortality. Existing because Antrim enshrines her memory in these pages, she exists on his terms. By the book’s end, there is a sense that Antrim conquers Louanne, breaking free from her psychological chains.