Content Warning: The source text contains references to and descriptions of child abuse, substance use and addiction, sexual assault, and trauma. The text also contains outdated and stigmatizing language and descriptions surrounding mental health conditions. Additionally, this study guide quotes and obscures the author’s use of the n-word.

The writer insists that she “can’t deal with crazy” (3) even as she acknowledges the political incorrectness of the term. She remembers cutting ties with a friend who has bipolar disorder because of her past experiences with mental health conditions: Her mother has schizophrenia. Proclaiming herself a poet, the writer commences her story.

The writer confesses that the name “Nikki” is made up; she “plucked” it out of the word “nickname” when she was six. She refuses to disclose her real name, hiding it along with her memories. She doesn’t think that girl is worth much, because of everything that happened to her.

Nikki admits that she has been running from the past for years but thinks it is time to shed light on the truth. She reflects that pain and rage can clog up one’s heart and veins, leaving no space for love or joy.