Content Warning: This section of the book includes depictions of racialized violence, violence against women and girls (including sexual violence), and debilitating use of alcohol.

Mann, Cooper’s father and a war veteran, had drinking binges and bouts of intense anger during which he abused his wife and Cooper. He died when Cooper was nine. Cooper went into crisis after a family acquaintance told her that Mann was a brilliant and empathetic man who worried about starving children on the African continent. It took therapy and an understanding of intersectionality for Cooper to see that one man could encompass both identities. It was toxic masculinity—antisocial behaviors resulting from restrictive ideas about masculinity—that marred the lives of all the Coopers.

Toxic masculinity is also “America’s daddy issue” (94). For Cooper, the United States’ wars abroad are global expressions of violent dominance and devaluation of women and girls’ lives. Cooper surprised herself when she wanted Barack Obama to use this power to rescue Black girls who soldiers kidnapped during the first war in Sudan. Examining that uncomfortable, contradictory feeling made her realize that she has longings for Black men to protect Black women and girls and to show up when Black women and girls die at the hands of police.