“I felt an ache of love for her big enough to fill my whole chest, but the pressure of suddenly being the only dependable one responsible for her care turned that love into a kind of suffocation, like my body wasn’t big enough for both feelings at the same time.”

Stephanie is consumed by love for her daughter Emilia. She is the default parent and cannot rely on her ex to be an adequate father to Emilia. The constant pressure is stifling and exhausting, demonstrating The Challenges of Single Parenthood.

“Vulnerability was too risky, and I couldn’t allow myself to reach a point where it would be a huge upset if that person didn’t show up when I needed them to.”

Stephanie does not enjoy reciprocal relationships. She enjoys collecting friends and maintaining a wide circle of people who can help her, but she does not like to let people in or become close to her because it is too upsetting when they disappoint her. This more broadly suggests that Stephanie has created a wall around herself for protection, perhaps in response to her circumstances.

“Having a kid and trying to date felt equivalent to hanging a wedding dress in my closet and bringing it out to show a person when they picked me up for the first time.”

It is extremely difficult to be a single mother, and Stephanie struggles with the societal expectations placed on women. These expectations make it difficult for a mother to allow herself to be desired in a socially acceptable way. The logistics are also very difficult, and Stephanie navigates trying to get to know potential romantic connections while still holding the time-intensive role of primary caregiver to a young child.